


I Miss You and Everything Is On Fire

by Guadalupe17



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, alternative summary: author writes a whole fic just to bully hyouga, crack kind of, discussions of philosophy, the woes of long term relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23449459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guadalupe17/pseuds/Guadalupe17
Summary: "For someone so smart, you really are an idiot, huh."Senkuu frowns, wiping away the ash tickling his nose. "That's not a very nice thing to say."Gen brushes away ash from his hair violently before answering. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'll make sure to be extra nice the next time you set the LAB ON FIRE!""I set it on fire once! ONCE!""THAT'S ONE TIME TOO MANY!"---Lonely Gen finds himself thinking about what it means to exist when he realizes he should stop his gay moping and actually go get his boyfriend and demand the attention he deserves.Except it doesn't go as planned, of course. God, he needs therapy.
Relationships: (current), (past), Asagiri Gen/Ishigami Senkuu, Ishigami Senkuu/Shishiou Tsukasa, Nanami Ryuusui/Shishiou Tsukasa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	I Miss You and Everything Is On Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this yesterday instead of drawing because I have no self control!  
> I'm getting constantly inspired thanks to this Ryuukasa discord server I'm in, so if you want to join, please DM me on twitter @mishi_yana !  
> This chapter's song is [ Diet Soda Society by The Maine.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Kq1wLtBqs) You might find that the lyrics fit Gen a bit too well :)
> 
> I might have gotten the concepts written about here wrong btw!! Philosophy is hard... if you wanna correct me though, go ahead!  
> Happy reading!

René Descartes, 17-century French philosopher, once said “I think, therefore I am”. He arrived at this conclusion when he wanted to find Absolute Certain Knowledge of himself and, as he went through this journey of getting rid of anything that had even a tiny gram of doubt in order to prove that he exists, he realized that a lot of what he thought he knew was actually… doubtful. Descartes particularly panicked about the mere possibility that he might be dreaming all the time! In fact, he once wrote, “There are no definitive signs by which to distinguish being awake from being asleep”, meaning, one cannot know for sure if they are awake or not, because when one is dreaming, we believe, at least in that moment, that what we are dreaming _is_ real (if we aren’t lucid dreaming, of course).

However, Gen knows for sure he isn’t dreaming, because if he were, he would be with his boyfriend right now and not thinking about dead philosophers. 

Speaking of dead philosophers: Hegel. Now, Hegel is an interesting one, because he believed that our perception of the world, our ideas, is shaped by other people’s perception of the world, _their_ ideas. Basically, our thoughts are shaped by the thoughts of other people and it’s reflected through _everything_ we do, be it the language we speak, our customs, traditions, religions, etc., all of which form the society we live in. Hegel called this… collective consciousness of a society the ‘Spirit’ which shapes one’s ideas and consciousness by simply living in said society.

In order to explain this, Hegel saw this ‘Spirit’ in the same way he saw an argument —through a dialectic. First, there is a thesis, or an idea/perception of the world and how we fit in it. Now, every thesis, or idea about the world, must have an inverse. That is to say, an opposite idea, an opposing force, that contradicts the thesis. An antithesis, if you will. Finally, the thesis and antithesis are combined into a synthesis — a new idea that combines elements from both.

Basically, Hegel thought societies develop in the same manner an argument does. It all begins with an idea, which then naturally develops into many different ideas through a dialectic – much like beginning an argument with your roommate about them not washing the dishes when it’s obviously _their_ turn and then ending it when they bring up _your_ abandonment issues (you and your roommate would be opposing forces that, through a dialectic, reach a conclusion: you need therapy). Using this system, Hegel assumed that one could figure out the _entire_ course of human history without the help of empirical data; all he needed to do was use _logic_ , nothing more, nothing less, and he could understand the human condition down to its very core.

Senkuu would’ve liked the guy, Gen thinks.

So, Hegel says that individuals only become self-aware through the eyes of another, someone who is Not You – meaning, The Other. Therefore, true self-consciousness is a process that requires a moment of radical identification with another consciousness, The Other, and thus it is only through taking on The Other’s view of the world that we obtain a self-image, i.e. a consciousness.

And anyways, what Gen is trying to say here is that he and science are in a dialectic, okay? They are two opposing forces that are competing for Senkuu’s attention and god _damn_ it, science is winning. Through no fault of his own, really! Because, as much as it pains him to admit it, he is not Senkuu’s _actual_ lover, no, he is the mistress! The side-chick. A side-ho, if you will.

You see, it goes a little bit like this: Asagiri Gen, popular mentalist and magician, distinguished Psychology Honors Roll student at a prestigious university, 2-year consecutive President of the Japanese Cultural Association, 3-year consecutive President of the Psychology Club, charming and handsome friend of the world, _amazing_ son, grandson, nephew, cousin, and now, renowned side-ho of Ishigami Senkuu, a crazy (allegedly), evil (allegedly) aspiring scientist.

Gen knows that if you were to strip Senkuu bare, if you were to take away everything that could be potentially _doubtful_ about what makes Senkuu, Senkuu, he is sure that the only thing left standing would be Senkuu’s passionate love for science – _that_ would be Senkuu’s absolute proof that he exists. Meaning, ‘Science exists, therefore Senkuu is’. It’s a simple, obvious truth: the sky is blue, the grass is green, Senkuu would deep throat science if a personification of it exists.

Honestly, going with that thought, if Gen were trapped in a room with Hyouga, Hitler and a personification of science and he had a gun with only two bullets in it… well. He would shoot Hyouga twice, is what he’s trying to say, but he would hit science with the empty gun afterwards.

No, no, this is all wrong. Following Hegel’s advice, if he were to exist, to truly exist, then he must perceive himself in the eyes of others, right? So, what is he doing moping outside on his dorm’s garden? It’s a beautiful day, too, the sun warms his skin in _just_ the right way, the breeze is cool enough to swipe away the sweat, and the birds’ singing along with the gentle burble of the garden hose, watering the green grass he’s sitting on, can practically lull him to sleep.

It’s a beautiful day, and yet there’s no one around to enjoy it with. Therefore, is it truly a beautiful day? Is it even a day? What _is_ a day?

And we’re back to the beginning, Descartes. What _is_ , indeed.

What Gen is, right now at this very second, is _angry._ Yes, he might be a side-ho to science, but if that’s the case, then it’s about time he gets some time alone with Senkuu – science already had its share. And he knows exactly where he’ll be.

~o~O~o~

“Are you looking for Senkuu?” Chrome asks through a mouthful of apple pie Ruri made. They’re in the campus’ cafeteria, Chrome, Ruri, Kohaku, Taiju and Yuzuriha, all chatting about the hell days that finals will bring next week when Gen approaches them.

“Can’t I simply say hi to my friends without talking about my indifferent boyfriend?” Gen asks, sitting down next to Ruri. He shakes his head when she offers him some pie because he knows once he tries her _spectacular_ cooking, he won’t be able to leave.

“Well,” Yuzuriha says, smiling at him, “are you?”

Gen groans, lowering his head on his arms with as much dramatics as he can muster.

“Is that a no?” Ruri asks, smiling.

“That’s definitely a no.” Kohaku giggles, poking Gen’s head. “Poor baby, Senkuu’s been neglecting you, huh?”

Gen fake sobs, and Ruri brushes her fingers through his hair to comfort him. It makes him sigh deeply, pushing against Ruri’s hand. “Oh, it’s been so long since I was last touched this way…”

That makes Kohaku snort and Ruri pause. “Um, should I stop then…?”

Gen squeezes his eyes shut, and whines in a comically high-pitched voice, “Please don’t stop…!”

It makes the others laugh so Gen considers it a success; he can now check off socializing from his to-do list. Normally, he loves being around people, but thanks to all the projects he has due, he has to balance his precious time more efficiently now.

“I think Senkuu went to talk to Tsukasa, actually,” Taiju adds, helpfully.

Gen opens his eyes just to narrow them at Taiju. “Oh?”

Taiju nods, not noticing how tense Gen suddenly is. “Yeah, something about trying to convince Tsukasa to give him a blood sample.”

“Ugh, he’s harassing him too?” Kohaku rolls her eyes, leaning back on her chair. “Can’t he get it through that five-head of his that it’s weird to ask your friends for their _blood,_ no matter how much of a freak of nature they might be? We got rights too!”

“Is it weird?” Taiju asks, tilting his head as he takes another bite of the pie. Yuzuriha giggles as she pats Taiju on the back, who doesn’t understand why she’s doing that but accepting the touch from his crush regardless.

What Gen would give for Senkuu to pitifully pat him on the back…

“Oh, honey,” Kohaku says, shaking her head with fake pity, “Senkuu took not just your blood, but your brain cells, too. It’s already too late for you.”

But it’s not too late for Gen. If he’s going to be a side-ho, then he will be the _only_ side-ho in Senkuu’s life, thank you very much.

“Where is Tsukasa-chan right now?” He asks.

Chrome swallows another bite before answering this time, “Where else could he be? The gym, bro.”

~o~O~o~

_The gym, bro._ God, Gen both loves and hates this place. Loves it, because there’s always beautiful people training in it, and hates it, because the smell of sweat and regret are _too_ strong for the AC to properly blow away.

Speaking of regret, there’s Hyouga all the way to the right. Gen goes to the left and instantly wonders just _why_ he was slightly jealous earlier when it’s obvious Tsukasa only has eyes for one capitalist ray of sunshine.

“Oh, hey, Gen!” Ryuusui grins and waves at him, which causes Tsukasa to turn around and smile at him in greeting, too. He doesn’t move his hands from the blonde’s waist, though, seemingly to keep Ryuusui’s posture straight even though he stopped lifting the weights. “Here to train, too?”

“Haha, well, you know how much I love manual labor…” Gen jokes, causing Ryuusui to laugh loudly. It’s never hard to make him laugh, and he figures Ryuusui’s constant positivity is something Tsukasa appreciates, given the way he’s looking at him from just the sound of his laughter alone.

“We could all train together, you know!” Ryuusui says, pushing back a stray strand of hair behind his ear. His hair isn’t long enough for the ponytail to hold all of it, but he doesn’t seem too bothered by it. “You, me, Tsukasa, Senkuu—”

“Senkuu-chan, yes, actually,” Gen smiles sweetly at him and Tsukasa, his eyes lingering on the latter. “I was looking for him, do you two know where he could be?”

Ryuusui shakes his head and looks at Tsukasa, who leans down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. The effect is immediate—Ryuusui smiles softly at him, eyes crinkling, looking at Tsukasa with so much tenderness and affection that Gen wonders if that’s how he looked years ago, when he first fell in love with Senkuu.

“I gotta talk to Gen about something personal,” Tsukasa says, “can you wait for me in the locker room?”

Without questioning, Ryuusui nods and rises to the tip of his toes, kissing Tsukasa’s forehead. It makes Tsukasa breathe deeply and smile widely, almost drunkenly, like a kiss on his forehead makes his heart beat faster than a kiss on the lips, and Gen wonders if it’s better to leave them alone instead.

After Ryuusui says goodbye to Gen, Gen waits until Tsukasa finishes watching him walk away to speak. “So… what did you want to talk to me about?”

Tsukasa takes a second before he turns to face Gen. In any other circumstances, Gen would make a joke about hating when they leave, but loving to see them walk away, except the sudden tension between them would make the joke fall flat. Tsukasa furrows his eyebrows and, speaking softly, asks, “Is everything okay?”

Gen blinks. “…Huh?”

“With Senkuu, I mean.” Tsukasa is still frowning. “I… know it’s none of my business. I simply worry if you two are okay.” The expression on Gen’s face must say enough, because Tsukasa chuckles and shakes his head. “There’s no ulterior motives, I assure you. I’m just worried.”

There’s some guilt swimming in his chest in reaction to those words, but Gen tries to ignore it. He smiles, hoping it reaches his eyes. “Whatever could you mean, Tsukasa-chan?”

Tsukasa lowers his gaze to look at him through his eyelashes. “I think you know.”

“I don’t.”

“Gen.”

“Tsukasa-chan.”

Tsukasa sighs, running a hand through his hair. He looks to the side, face neutral, and Gen doesn’t know what to say. He holds his left arm with his right hand, running his hand from his shoulder to his elbow. The motion helps somewhat, but the lump in his throat is still there.

“I understand,” Tsukasa begins, carefully, still not looking at Gen, “that Senkuu and I’s… history… is troublesome for you.”

“Senkuu and I have been together for three years now,” Gen says, as though Tsukasa doesn’t know that. “I trust him.”

Tsukasa finally looks at him and smiles without pretending to mean it. “But you don’t trust me.”

Gen scoffs, brushing his hair behind his ear. “You’re the one that said you’re still in love with him.”

“I was honest,” Tsukasa quirks an eyebrow. “Would you have preferred it if I wasn’t?”

Gen looks away, lowering his head slightly. “I didn’t say that…” His tone implies there’s more he wants to say, but he presses his mouth into a line. Tsukasa is patient, though, and simply waits for him to continue. It makes Gen feel worse. “I just… answer me honestly, do you still love him?”

Tsukasa’s expression doesn’t change, making Gen feel self-conscious somehow, as it makes him feel like he might be overreacting a bit – which he supposes is most likely true. The prolonged silence is definitely not helping Gen’s anxiety, though. At last, Tsukasa answers, “I do,” he closes his eyes, breathing in deeply, “I love him.”

Any faster, and Gen’s neck would’ve snapped by how fast he turns to look at him. “Then why—”

“Let me finish,” Tsukasa raises his hands and lowers them down slowly, as if to halt his rambling before it starts. “I love him, but not romantically, if that’s what you’re worried about. He was my friend first, you know.” If Tsukasa means he was friends with Senkuu before entering a relationship with him, or that he befriended him way before Gen did, then Gen does not ask for clarification. Both are true, regardless. Gen hates that it bothers him. Sighing, Tsukasa continues, “look, Gen, I—I loved him like that at one point, that’s true. We slept together – you know this – and there’s nothing that will change any of that. And look… I’m sorry if that bothers you, but I’m not sorry for having done any of it.”

Gen falls silent, but the nervous expression on his face is gone. Tsukasa’s right. He trusts Senkuu, but perhaps, he can start to trust Tsukasa just a little bit more.

But before that…

“Did… did Senkuu ever tell you how he felt? Back then, when you confessed?”

Tsukasa frowns, leaning on the wall next to him, crossing his arms. “It was my understanding that he had feelings for you.”

Gen nods, staring at the ground. Figures. “But he had feelings for you, too.”

He doesn’t see his expression, but Gen can practically tell the moment Tsukasa’s brain stops working for a couple of seconds. “…What.”

His non-reaction startles a laugh out of Gen – Tsukasa can be so funny sometimes. He quickly schools his expression back to a serious one. “Yeah… yeah, I figured he hadn’t told you, since it wouldn’t have been ‘logical’ for him to do so.” Gen sighs, closing his eyes. He feels a pressure behind them, wanting to just go to sleep now.

Tsukasa frowns, shaking his head. “Because he chose you…”

“…Even though he still loved you.” Gen completes, opening his eyes and smiling bitterly. 

“But he still chose you.” Tsukasa says, matter-of-fact. He doesn’t seem or sound hurt about it. Gen wonders if that would be worse than whatever this is. “So, I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. I’m not even in love with him anymore, as you could probably tell earlier with Ryuusui.”

“I know.” Gen groans, putting his face in his hands. He takes a deep breath in and lets it out in a rush. “I’m not—I’m not sure on what I want, to be honest. Hegel didn’t talk about any of this.” He groans into his hands again.

“Hegel?” Tsukasa smiles. “You mean Kant 2.0?”

Gen lifts his head to fake glare at him. “Oh, I _know_ you did not just say that.”

Tsukasa chuckles, uncrossing his arms. “But am I wrong?”

“Yes! Yes, you are _so_ wrong!”

“Kant came up with the concept of virtual reality first.” Tsukasa says, still smiling. “Hegel was inspired by him, after all.”

“Well, yeah, but Hegel’s concept of the self and the Spirit differ from Kant’s philosophy.”

“Only slightly.”

 _“Slightly?!”_ Gen gasps loudly, hand on his chest as if to hold his heart still. It makes Tsukasa shake his head, laughing. “Oh, how _dare_ you. He was Kant’s major critic! And there are more than TWO big key differences in their philosophies, I’ll have you know. Besides, Hegel’s concept of the master and slave dichotomy was revolutionary.”

“Oh, you mean Plato’s allegory of the cave? That one?” Tsukasa tilts his head, grinning.

“Okay, now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings.”

Tsukasa laughs loudly at that, and there’s just… something about it – maybe it’s the low rumble of his laughter that comes from Tsukasa’s chest, or how free of worries he seems, or the warmth that spreads around Gen at the mere sound of it, but… Gen can’t help but join along, shoulders shaking with genuine laughter. He hasn’t laughed in a while, _truly_ laughed, and it makes his belly and chest feel weird. It hurts, actually. Is he laughing too hard? It’s just… nice to be able to talk about these concepts with someone who knows as much and is as passionate about them as he is.

He and Tsukasa would’ve been good friends, had Gen given it a chance.

The thought sobers him up enough to help him stop laughing. Gen looks over at Tsukasa, who seems to be in his own world, now. He doesn’t look upset, but he doesn’t look happy either. Before Gen could ask what’s wrong, Tsukasa speaks, “If… if we had met another way, I think you and I would’ve been good friends.”

It really, truly hurts. Maybe he did laugh too hard after all.

Gen gives him a small barely-there smile, “I think so, too.”

Tsukasa smiles back at him and this time, it reaches his eyes, crowfeet appearing at their corners. The sight of it is enough to make Gen smile for real, too, and suddenly he understands what Senkuu saw in him. He’s easy to love, unlike…

“Senkuu is most likely at the chem lab by the Tech building.” Tsukasa says, “he tried to convince me to give him a blood sample, but when I refused, again, he said something about needing a stress reliever…”

Gen nods. “I see. So, he’s either in a horny mood or a ‘let’s make everything explode’ mood. Got it. Naturally, I’m prepared for both.”

Tsukasa laughs so loud at that, that Gen worries he might faint from a lack of oxygen. When he finally calms down, wiping tears from his eyes, he breathes out, “S-Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that. You’re really funny.”

Gen can’t help that a compliment from a cute guy makes him feel good. Sue him. “I've been told that once or twice... I was 100% serious this time, though.”

That makes Tsukasa laugh some more. “I’m sure you were.” He shakes his head as he smiles. “Well, I wish you luck in finding Senkuu. I gotta get back to Ryuusui now.”

Gen nods, smiling too. “You and Ryuusui look good together, by the way. Have you gotten him to read Marx yet?”

Tsukasa smirks and shrugs. “We might have yet another comrade in the making.”

Gen whistles lowly. “Keep fighting the good fight, comrade. I’ll go get my leek boy now.”

Before they go their separate ways, Gen and Tsukasa exchange numbers with a promise to discuss Wall-e from a sociological perspective.

Now, though, it’s time to find his crazy (allegedly), evil (allegedly) leek boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe! 🔥💯
> 
> Twitter: @mishi_yana  
> Tumblr art blog: @mishiyanx


End file.
